INTO THE BLACK

Jupiter paused for what felt like an eternity to him as he searched for the right words to say. Words that could somehow make Belle understand the reasons behind his decision all those years ago. Words that could lessen the pain it had caused them both. Finally it came to him.
“I like what you've done with your hair.”
If looks could kill, Belle's look could've committed genocide.
“That's all you have to say for yourself?”
Jupiter racked his brain again for the right answer.
“Uh, your boots go well with that outfit.”
“Reign in the stupid or I'll shoot you myself,” Liberty muttered.
“And who is this?” asked Belle. “If you're dating him you should be warned, he can't be trusted.”
“Oh, sorry, allow me to introduce you two. Liberty, Belle...,” Jupiter said, then laughed nervously. “Liberty Belle – like the famous bell.”
No one else laughed. Jupiter gulped and looked around the cavern wishing he could be anywhere else. Wishing he was with Abe heading to Atlantis.

#

“No, it is not fine. We're about to vaporised into dust! And I'm allergic to dust!” yelled Abe, shaking Sunny by his neon-lit Hawaiian shirt.
“Relax,” Sunny replied. “I've got it all sorted. I have a plan,” he added as he took a small, rectangular device out of his pocket. He flicked a switch and started to tap the device like someone testing a microphone. Abe started to take deep breaths in an attempt to avoid passing out.
“Ahem, hello fine people aboard the warship – we ask that you kindly turn away and leave us in peace.”
Laughter roared down onto the planet from above.
“And why should we do that?” snarled the ship's commander.
“Because in return, we will hand over to you the chosen one, Google Jones. I'm sure Mykur would love to have him.”
In a flash Justice had his gun aimed at Sunny.
“That's not going to happen.”
“Now, now, let's hear the man out,” said Abe.

#

Belle flicked her long, blonde hair back as she punched a code into another set of giant, solid steel doors. Slowly they opened revealing the underground world of the Malacandra.
“My god...,” Liberty said, hand to her mouth as it all came into view.
“You've never been inside Mars before? Jupiter never told you?” Belle asked.
“No – I never knew. It's... it's beautiful.”
Laid out before them, continuing for miles on end, was what appeared to be a gigantic shopping centre.

When the decision was first made that Mars would become the second planet to be settled by humans, a worldwide effort was called for. Each nation was asked to provide its brightest minds for the mission. Mars was to be the planet where humans would finally reach their full potential.

However, once on the planet, each nation placed pressure on their representatives to claim as much land as possible for their country. This didn't appeal to the new 'Martians' as the people of Earth called them. Instead of sticking along national lines, they became a unified group. They no longer identified themselves as Americans or Chinese or any other nationality – instead they were all simply the people of Mars. After all, the greatest minds theorised that the absence of nationalistic tendencies would result in less conflicts and war.

What they didn't realise was that it would be the beginning of a new divide – the beginning of worldistic tendencies. Put simply: Earthlings versus Martians. People on Earth felt the 'Martians' were arrogant and elitist, people on Mars thought the Earthlings ignorant and un-evolved. Eventually it came to a head in what has since been described as history's most brutal water fight.

You see, water on Mars had not only been discovered, it had been found to be the best tasting water in the galaxy. People of Earth felt they had an equal right to the water – after all, they told the Martians, 'We're the ones that sent you eggheads there in the first place'. People of Mars, who had now started to call themselves The Malacandra, responded with, 'We may be eggheads, but at least we're not meatheads'. Gradually the name calling got worse until The Malacandra could take no more. Feeling threatened, they told the people of Earth, 'You want your water so bad, here it comes'.

In short, they created a water bomb – giving Earth all the water it demanded in one instant. The result was destruction on a scale never before seen, with most of the planet flooded. Earthlings felt they had no choice but to retaliate and launched all their weapons on Mars. Unfortunately for The Malacandra, although they were made up of mankind's greatest thinkers, they weren't exactly the world's greatest military strategists. With no weapons to speak off, only a few hundred thousand survived the oncoming attack, hiding out underground.

Needing to rebuild their crumbled society, they looked at all the greatest civilisations and the times and circumstances where society had thrived. Finally they deduced that their chance greatest of prosperity would be to convert their world into a gigantic shopping centre.

It should also be noted that most of mankind's greatest thinkers happened to be female.

#

“We'll find some other way out of this. We've got out of worse,” said Justice.
“There is no way out of this one though, is there?” said Google quietly. “Either we all get blown up or I let them take me.” He took a deep breath and looked around the beachside city. “I'll go,” he said finally.
“But you don't need to...”
“Yes, I do. All that matters is that Mykur is defeated. Get to Atlantis; get the next part of the key. Hopefully I can stay alive long enough for you to save me.” He turned to Sunny. “Tell them I'm ready to go aboard their ship.”
“Google is ready to surrender,” said Sunny into his megaphone device.
Laughter roared down onto the planet again.
“So you have Google?” the ship's commander responded.
“Yes.”
“The Google Jones that Mykur wants dead?”
“Ah, yes.”
“The Google Jones that would be made dead when the planet he's on explodes?”
“Once again, yes. Now please send down a transporter ship and you can be on your way.”
More laughter from the ship above.
Sunny looked across at Abe with a smile.
“I think our optimistic approach to life here is having a good effect on them. They seem so much happier now. I told you this was going to work out fine.”
Abe turned his attention to Justice.
“Now can I shoot him?”
Before Justice could answer, 10,000 missles shot out from the ship, headed right for them.

#

Jupiter looked around, taking in the sights as the memories came flooding back. To the left was Herbert's Bakery where he'd eaten countless Herbie's sugar-free, fat-free, cholesterol-lowering jam donuts with added omegas 1-99, protein, fibre, iron and folateTM. To the right was the computer store that he and his friends would visit every weekend to get that week's latest computer and hand in their now outdated model.
“Over by that fountain is the town hall where the federation meets. I'll take you two there tomorrow to plead your case," Belle informed them.
Jupiter continued to scan the sights as Liberty squinted up ahead.
“Is that a communications centre?” she asked.
“Yep, you should be able to make contact with anyone in the universe from there.”
“Well, why don't I give you two a moment alone while I check up on Google and the others.”
Liberty wondered off into the distance, leaving Jupiter standing awkwardly with Belle.
“So... how have you been?” he asked.
“Very sexually satisfied, thank you.”
“Yes, I saw that you're married now. Congratulations.”
“For being married or the multiple orgasms he gives me daily?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Thanks.”
Belle paused, looked across at Jupiter and sighed.
“Look, perhaps I'm being childish. It's just – you hurt me. And for some reason it's important to me that you know, I'm doing great now. You didn't break me. After you left, I found my soulmate. So, I'm glad you did what you did. But that doesn't make me think well of you. So, you should know, I'm not ready to play nice just yet.”
“I'm just happy to see...,” but Jupiter never completed the sentence, because at that moment Liberty came racing over.
“What is it? What's going on? Are the others ok?” he asked.
“Oh no idea, the com centre was shut - but they're selling Gucci Blasters here at up to 60% off!”

#

Abe could only watch on as the missiles sailed down towards them like missiles sailing down towards a planet in a war simulation videogame. Then, just before they broke into the planet's atmosphere, the missile's swung around and went flying back at warship, like missiles in a war simulation videogame that had a strange glitch or cheat code. The ship never stood a chance, exploding into a billion pieces on impact. On the planet's surface, people cheered as if watching an impressive fireworks display.

Abe turned to Sunny in shock.
“How... How'd that happen?”
“That my friend is the power of positive thinking – and the latest state-of-the-art LG missile override system.”
“Why didn't you say something!? I almost died of a heart attack!”
“I know it was great! You should have seen all your faces! We got you good! Best. Joke. Ever.”
Everyone within earshot started to laugh and point at Abe and the gang. Abe reached for his blaster, but Justice held his arm back.
“You know for a planet of optimists, you sure are jerks!”
Sunny finally recovered from his laughing to reply, “Optimists? Haven't you worked it out yet? We're not optimists!”
“But wait, isn't this...,” Justice took out his map and pointed at the planet :-).
Sunny laughed again.
“No, no, no. That's the neighbouring planet. I was going to tell you before, but it was too much fun playing along. We're here,” he said pointing down at another planet on the map.

A planet founded by practical jokers. A planet named :-p.

Previously on INTO THE BLACK

The gang has split up! Jupiter and Liberty are headed to Mars to meet with the Malacandra, an underground organisation that might be able to prevent a kill order being placed on their heads. Meanwhile, Abe and the others are on their way to Atlantis to find the second piece of the Trinity Key, but first they'll need a vehicle capable of travelling underwater.

And, so far, if this story was Super Mario Bros. a Toad would have probably told you several times, "Thank you Mario! But our Cher is in another chapter."

Now we rejoin the action...

“It wasn't named after the chocolate you know.”

“Huh?” Liberty asked as she rubbed her forehead, slowly recovering from the drugged bacon.

“Mars – a lot of people think it was named after the chocolate bar, but it wasn't.”

“Riveting.”

“I'm just saying - lot of locals get touchy about it is all.”

Jupiter tried not to dwell on the point as Liberty glanced around the cockpit of the Blackbird, trying to regain her bearings.

“How do you know this Belle anyway? Are you sure she can be trusted?” Liberty asked, breaking the silence.

“Well I know she'd do just about anything to see Mykur defeated. She was against him before it was even the popular thing.”

“So what's with your clothing then?”

“What about it?”

“It's all blaster-resistant.”

“Let's just say, Belle and I, we have... history,” Jupiter replied as he piloted the shuttle down toward the surface of Mars.

“History?” She looked across at Jupiter suspiciously. “Now's the time to disclose any information that's pertinent to the mission.”

“Girls and their gossip... Fine. Belle and I used to work together once, as treasure hunters, along with Abe.”

“And that's everything.”

“And we were engaged.”

“Bad breakup?”

“You could say that?”

“What would you say?”

“I'd say I ran off with our ship a day before the wedding without saying goodbye.”

Liberty unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way out of the cockpit towards the back of the ship.

“Where are you going?” Jupiter called out.

“To get my blaster-resistant clothes.”

#

“You know, I don't need this! If I wanted to, I could be writing for CSI: Pluto City! But oh no, I just had to join up with Jupiter and see the galaxy,” Abe muttered to Justice.

“You have to admit, it is a little exciting – the chance to save the universe,” Justice countered as he examined a cockpit monitor on-board The Love Crusader.

“Exciting!? Brushing my teeth when the low-battery light is flashing, that's exciting. This... this is a prolonged heart attack.”

“Computer bring up section C2S8 on screen,” Justice instructed.

“You found something?” asked Abe.

“Maybe... look at this. It's a small planet, only has a couple of populated cities, but it's half covered in water. Odds are they'll have some water vessels.”

“Has potential. What's it called?”

“That's the odd part – it doesn't have a name, per se,” replied Justice.

“Huh?”

“Its name is a smiley face emoticon.”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“Apparently it was founded by a group of theologians who believed the world would be better if everyone just learned to always look on the bright side.”

“We're flying to a planet of morons,” Abe muttered.

“Could be worse, at least they sound friendly.”

Abe shot Justice a look, before jumping up from his seat and heading for the cockpit door.

“Where are you going?” Justice asked.

“To get my blaster-resistant clothes.”

#

“You sure you're prepared?”

“I went out with her for three years, I'm capable of talking to her for a few minutes without anything going wrong.”

“Just try not to say anything stupid.” She paused, then added, “Stupider than normal I mean.”

Jupiter lowered Blackbird closer to the surface as the barren Mars landscape became visible through the cockpit window.

“There,” said Jupiter pointing out to the north. “There it is.”

“The Valles Marineris,” said Liberty, in awe of the canyon that stretched out before them.

“Largest canyon in the solar system,” said Jupiter proudly as he guided them closer towards it.

“I always thought Mars was a hole, but this is...”

Suddenly below the ship, massive explosions shot up into the air.

“They're attacking! Quick, load up the missles. This heap of junk does have missiles, doesn't it?” Liberty asked as she scanned the cockpit walls looking for launch codes.

Jupiter laughed and put an arm across to calm her.

“Relax, it's just the geysers. Look.”

Liberty pushed Jupiter's hand away and stared out as the surface continued to erupt sand and mud up into the sky.

“You know, it's actually quite beautiful up close,” Liberty admitted as the ship dropped down past the surface and into the canyon.

#

Justice, Abe and Google stepped down the front ramp of The Love Crusader and onto the surface of :-). Outside, the sun was shinning and the weather humid as a light breeze gently swayed the leaves of nearby palm trees. Finding it uncomfortably warm, Abe pressed on the buttons on his pants, turning them into shorts as he gazed out at the tropical wonderland. The Space port was conveniently located right by the beach, offering prime views of everyone enjoying themselves: surfing, sailing or just eating ice cream by the shore.

“Hello friends,” a rotund, bearded-man called out to them happily as he made his way over. “Welcome to...,” he pointed up at his smiling face.

“Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here on colon, dash, parenthesis,” replied Abe stiffly.

“It looks wonderful, like a mix of ancient Hawaii and the Caribbean,” said Google.

“Too true, friend. Now come, I'll show you to the vehicle you enquired about. I'm sure you'll just love it. We'll travel by golf cart. For some reason travelling by golf carts always makes life fun! Don't you agree, friend?”

Abe stared blankly ahead as the bearded man went skipping ahead, whistling as he did.

“Can we shoot him?” Abe asked Justice, who just laughed.

#

The Blackbird touched down softly on the canyon surface and a few seconds later the side hatch swung open. Jupiter stepped out, breathing in the air.

“Ah, don't you just love summer.”

“You must be kidding!” said Liberty shivering as she wrapped the hood on her wool parka tightly to keep out as much wind as possible. “It must be minus ten degrees out here.”

“Like I said, summer. They never did get around to properly terraforming this place. If you think this is cold, you should visit in winter.”

Liberty surveyed the landscape around her.

“There's nothing but rocks as far as the eye can see. Are you sure the Martian hideout is here?”

“For Cruise's sake Libby! Lower your voice, if they hear you calling them... Only a Martian can call us Martians.”

“I don't see the big deal.”

“Trust me, you don't want these people to mistake you for an Earthling.”

“But we were all Earthlings originally.”

Before Jupiter could repsond the ground began to shake.

“Marsquake?”

#

The bearded man, who'd they now come to know as Sunny, stood proudly in front of a red submersible, shaped like a giant stingray.

“There's no way I'm paying 5000 credits for that. It's probably not even water proof,” said Abe, crossing his arms.

“Trust me friend, this ship is a bargain. Besides, a bit of water never hurt anyone.”

“Yes, I've heard drowning just kind of tickles,” Abe replied dryly.

“I've thrown in the petrol for free. You won't get a better deal in this solar system.”

“But the petrol tank's half empty,” Abe complained.

“No, I think you'll find it's half full.”

“Half empty!”

“Half full!”

“Isn't it both?” asked Google, a little confused.

Abe and Sunny both turned to stare at him like he was an idiot.

“We'll take it,” said Justice suddenly.

“What!?”

“Relax Abe, it's not your money I'm using.”

“See, I knew things would work out fine,” said Sunny, just as a giant shadow crossed over the entire planet.

“What's going on?” asked Abe nervously. He looked up to see a giant spaceship, bigger than the planet :-) itself now hovered overhead, blocking out the sun.

“Oh, that? Well Mykur's army said they'd blow our planet into a billion pieces if we didn't join with him, but we just find him so pessimistic.”

All of a sudden, the entire planet's windows vibrated as a booming voice came down from the ship's loudspeakers.

“Citizens of... Um, how do you pronounce... citizens of... this planet: prepare to feel the might of Mykur.”

With that, the ship opened its 10,000 missile bays – all of them now pointed at the planet.

“Don't worry, I'm sure everything will work out just fine,” said Sunny happily.

#

Liberty worked hard to keep her balance as the rumbling continued, while Jupiter simply lay flat on the ground, resting. When it finally stopped, he pointed to an area where the recent movement had cleared an entranceway to a ramp leading underground.

“Of course, where else would an underground organisation be?” Liberty said to herself.

As they made their way down the ramp, the air became warmer, more mechanical. After about 75 metres, the rumbling began again. Liberty fought back the feeling of claustrophobia as she turned to watch the entrance close up with rocks once more. Another 400 metres down and the tunnel began to grow wider until Liberty and Jupiter finally reached a giant metal door that stood 50 metres high.

“What now?” asked Liberty.

As if in response, an ear-splitting screech filled the underground cavern as the massive door lifted, sending a cloud of dust up into the air with it. When the dust finally settled, it revealed a lone woman, who somehow had a much bigger presence than her slender body would suggest.

“Well hello, Jupiter, it's been a while,” said Belle, coolly.